her vagine was all disorganized.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
