either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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