Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
