So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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