I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
