I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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