We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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