don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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