The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
