I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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