Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
