Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
