Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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