I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
