So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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