I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
