first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
