If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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