Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?