can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.