He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
