So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
