U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.