maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
