The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just invented taco cereal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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