Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
