I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
