you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
