Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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