dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
