why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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