i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
