Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
PANTIES FOUND
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