i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
