We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
