yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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