dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
