I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
