You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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