the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Someone shit on the floor
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?