i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.