i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about