he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."