I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.