I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
