It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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