it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
