we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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