im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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