Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
