i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
