hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
