Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
