I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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