I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
