walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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