I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
