I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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