Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
