is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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