just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
