You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
