I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
