some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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