I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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