im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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