this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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