Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
