Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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